How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire
by Kerrelyn Sparks

When I initially picked up this book I anticipated a humorous vampire novel. I expected it to have its serious moments but overall I expected to find a light, funny, and entertaining book. The title of the book alone is enough to make you want to laugh after all. I was glad to see that I was not disappointed in that aspect.

Kerrelyn Sparks does a superb job of taking every stereotype of a vampire novel and turning them on their heads. Roman Draganesti, the hero of the tale, might be tall, dark, handsome, and brooding but that’s where the typical vampire cliche ends. Roman might be a millionaire and the owner of Romatech but he’s not exactly your typical millionaire either. He’s a total nerd, a former monk, and hell bent on saving the lives of mortals everywhere. He’s the creator of synthetic blood and he’s even developed a line of flavored blood for vampires to savor. Flavors include Chocolood (chocolate blood), Blood Lite (a fat free blood formula) and several others.

Then there is the heroine, Shanna Whelan, a dentist and a part of the witness protection agency after witnessing and testifying against members of the Russian mafia. Did I mention that this dentist has a blood phobia as well? She’s a bit corny and campy and these two characters are bound to give the readers a non stop laughfest that will leave your sides hurting and tears rolling down your cheek.

If that doesn’t do it for you then I’m sure the kilt wearing bodyguards or even VANNA, the sex toy for vampires will do it for you.

The one major criticism of this book and the factor that kept me from giving it four stars is the unbelievably predictable plot. There wasn’t a single thing that came as a surprise. As each event unfolded you knew how the next few pieces were going to fall into place. Even if, by some odd chance, you didn’t manage to suspect how the next events were going to unfold then the author’s corny one-liners at the end of each scene would clue you in. While humor and an easy to follow storyline are great it is also helpful to leave the reader somethings they need to figure out for themselves. After all, who likes to be told every single detail? Isn’t the fun in reading a book the chance to step into an imaginary world and to piece it together step by step?

Things also tended to fall into place a little too easily and some characters were just plain corny. This might irritate people who like to see characters struggle along and grow as they overcome tribulations. If you take the book for what it was meant, a light comedy and parody of typical books in the vampire romance genre, then you’ll enjoy it. Though I must confess, even I was gnashing my teeth at the way the author quickly and poorly tied everything up in two pages.

Joana’s review: